It’s been three weeks since I went on my weekend retreat and the only bit of TV I’ve watched since has been the very disappointing Euros football (soccer) cup final. I felt I couldn’t miss another lackluster performance from England! Before I went on the retreat, I would watch Netflix almost every night that I was home. It was my replacement for alcohol, my checking out from day technique. But not any more! That’s just one of the changes in me since my group retreat.
Two years ago, I stopped drinking alcohol but I definitely developed a Netflix habit. It was my preferred way of switching off at the end of the day. But since my retreat, I’m much more aware of time and I want to make the most of it. Mostly, my evenings at home are now spent reading or going to sleep at a reasonable hour, so I can get up early in the morning and have more time to meditate, exercise, go for a walk before the day starts in earnest! I feel very virtuous!
In June 2024 I went on a weekend Buddhism and meditation retreat with the London Buddhist Center to their Vajrasana Retreat Center in Suffolk. We left on a Friday afternoon from the center, where I got the organized coach to the retreat center. As soon as I saw who else was going, I felt rather nervous and out of place. At 58, I felt I was older than everybody by at least 20 years! As the weekend wore on, I discovered that wasn’t actually true. There were a few people around my age or within 10 years of it. But I don’t think there was anybody much older than me, and most people seemed to be in their late 20s to mid-30s.
Vajrasana Retreat Center
I was also overwhelmed by the noise on the coach! Not knowing anybody and having seen that nobody else knew anybody either, the seeming roar of conversation on the coach all the way there was surprising. It wasn’t quite what I was expecting on the way to a Buddhism and meditation retreat! I did manage a bit of a conversation with my neighbor and we found that we’d recently read the same book which we both loved. I think I was lucky in that she’d been to this retreat before; she knew what was coming and didn’t feel the need to keep up constant conversation. She retreated into her book and I looked out of the window. Companionable silence between us, at least, was in stark contrast to the rest of the bus.
When we arrived at the retreat center, it was time for dinner. We had time for a short acclimatization, going to our rooms and walking briefly around the grounds, and then we all sat down to eat in the large dining room. The Vajrasana Retreat Center is stunningly beautiful. It’s in the middle of the Suffolk countryside, has been beautifully designed and landscaped, and is quite spectacular. It was the perfect place for a retreat. Considering the fact that there were 60 of us on this retreat, it didn’t feel as if the center were overwhelmed by people. Even though I’d felt overwhelmed by the numbers of people on the bus!
Dinner was vegan and very yummy. But I was immediately concerned about the impact it might have on my digestive system, especially in shared accommodation! We were all in shared accommodation. This was a Buddhist retreat and part of Buddhism is the importance of the Sangha, the community. So communal living is an important part. I’ve never been comfortable sharing a room as a pretty strong introvert. I like my own space. But I decided to suck it up and just go with the flow on this occasion. It was only two nights, after all. I also had my ear plugs and eye shade so I can sleep through anything! The rooms were absolutely lovely. Simple but very comfortable. We had to make our own beds as an important part of the retreat was to contribute to running the retreat. This is another element of the communal living and working that is important to Buddhism. I volunteered to help clear up after dinner as my first chore!
The shrine room
After dinner, we went to the shrine room where there is a stunning huge Buddha which you can see above. We were each provided with a meditation mat and a selection of cushions and encouraged to get ourselves comfortable, either sitting cross-legged, kneeling, or sitting on a chair at the back. The leader joked that we needed to find a position that would allow us to sit comfortably for the whole weekend, rather than going in for something less comfortable from the get go – we needed to adjust for the long haul! We had our first meditation session, which lasted about an hour, I think. Time was already starting to slip away as a concept!
During the meditation session, we were that we’d be in silence after it until breakfast finished the following morning. As breakfast would come after another period of meditation first thing, this meant quite an extended initial period of silence. It also meant that there was no need to make conversation with the people I was sharing a room with. I found this remarkably liberating. In fact, the periods of silence during the retreat were some of my favorite times. To be living communally and not having to make conversation was really pleasurable. I know that may sound weird, but it really was my experience. It also made for a very peaceful retreat.
We’d been told in advance that we should avoid use of any mobile devices during the entirety of the retreat. This had initially made me nervous because I knew that my elderly mum may need to call me. In fact, she had called me while I was waiting for the bus which wasn’t the greatest start! I did leave my phone turned on and charging but in the drawer under my bed. I only checked it once on Saturday evening and there had been no calls or messages left. It was incredibly liberating not to have my phone for the duration of the retreat. I have tried to maintain more of that behavior since I came home, although I slip a little further each day. But I’m trying not to pick it up and check my social media fairly constantly, which is what I was doing before the retreat.
On Saturday morning at 6:30, the bell rang to wake us up. At the end of the retreat, I discovered that there were some alarm clocks in a drawer in the common area that we could borrow so that we didn’t feel any need to use our phones to wake us up. I’d actually already woken by 6 as we’d gone to bed at 10. I had a shower before bed also because I didn’t want to be queuing for a shower in the morning. At 7 o’clock, we were back in the shrine room for another session of meditation. This went on for about an hour and a half and then we had breakfast.
After breakfast, we had free time until a workshop on communication and then lunch. I decided to go for a walk around the field out the back and found a lovely circular walk which I ended up doing three times over the course of the weekend. Of course I didn’t have my phone to take any pics! What I noticed almost immediately was how time slowed down without my phone and also with the periods of silence. We got to 10 o’clock and I had already spent an extended period meditating, had my breakfast, and been for quite a long walk. This was a really important realization for me and I have tried to continue to apply that lesson into life post-retreat.
On Saturday afternoon, we went for a group walk which was also very lovely and I had a good long chat with somebody who was just a decade younger than me after all. Then we had dinner and then meditation again on Saturday evening. We’d only had fruit for dessert before Saturday evening but then we got brownies which was very exciting! We then had what was described on the program as Buddhist teaching and ritual. Our Saturday night entertainment. This entailed stories about Buddhism, chanting, lighting of candles, and mindful walking around the retreat. We were encouraged to take part as we felt able.
I thought, “When in Rome…” So I took part fully and it was actually reassuringly comforting. I particularly liked walking mindfully around the stupa in the courtyard. There was the main shrine room, a stupa which I had seen often on my travels in Tibet many decades prior, and also another Buddha statue in a water feature. We were encouraged to walk around these or walk backward and forwards when we were doing our mindful walking. Then we had another period of silence that lasted until late morning the following day.
The stupa
When I wasn’t walking around the field or doing work to prepare meals or clear up after meals, I read a Jack Kornfield book I’d taken instead of my e-reader which we were encouraged not to take. I don’t have that many books as everything is on my Kindle these days, but I did take this book and it was all about the art of loving kindness, forgiveness, and peace, so I thought it was very appropriate for the occasion! I’d also taken a notebook and was journaling on a couple of occasions. It all felt very gentle and nurturing. Definitely a calming retreat.
I thoroughly enjoyed my stay and it felt a lot longer than the actually less than two days it lasted, having arrived at 7:30 on the Friday and leaving at 3 on the Sunday. When we arrived, we were encouraged to discuss our hopes and fears for the retreat with a partner. My fear was that I would be overwhelmed by all the people and with the communal living and sleeping. My hope was that I would get some clarity about things I was dealing with in my life. I actually managed the overwhelm very well. The periods of silence really helped – meals with no chat were surprisingly pleasant – and going off for walks around the field by myself was also an important aspect of managing the intensity of the experience for me as an introvert.
I definitely got some clarity. Being alone with my thoughts in silence and with no digital devices was very powerful. I would definitely recommend it! There was a bit more Buddhism in the retreat than I had initially bargained for. I would have preferred a meditation and yoga retreat, but that wasn’t available then at this retreat center. This is such a retreat later in the year, though, so I might be back for that! But in fact, embracing the Buddhism and ritual associated with it was very comforting also. And I’m always open to new experiences. I’ve always been interested in Buddhism since I first went to Tibet when I was 19 and a student in China. So it’s not something which has ever felt alien to me. Although, as I said to somebody on the bus on the way home, it feels weird to me when it’s Westerners leading the Buddhism, as opposed to East Asian people. But that’s just my own prejudice!
If you get a chance to go on any kind of retreat that has elements of silence in it and meditation, go for it! And don’t be nervous if there is Buddhism too. You’ll probably enjoy that. I have meditated every day since I came back and I sometimes participate in extended online sessions. The retreat embedded meditation for me unlike anything in the past. I’ve experimented with all different kinds of meditation over the years but nothing has really stuck. I now feel I have a practice that will only deepen over time. I feel it definitely makes me more effective in the world, as well as being more able to cope with and process the hard stuff. And I love not wasting so much time watching telly!
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